2018 Computer Build - Bringing The Parents Into The 21st Century Pt. 1

Almost every family seems to have a designated IT person. The one family member that knows something about a computer that goes a bit more than just how to turn them on. That person is then tasked to answer and service any electronic issue that their respective family members (and said family members friends, co-workers, associates, acquaintances or hangers-on) may have for eternity. That person also needs to be on call 24/7 in the event that any of said electronics break, resulting in texts and/or phone calls at the most inopportune times and numerous devices being left at their home for servicing at any given moment. If the issue cannot be resolved by instructions given over the phone (which conversation will be simultaneously frustrating and hilarious), expect to make housecalls to resolve said issue, which most likely will take less time than it took to drive to their home, but which you cannot bill them an hourly rate or suggest they call Geek Squad next time. I"ll give you 3 guesses who fills that role in my family...

Anyway, the IT project at hand is my parent's desktop computer. My parents bought a HP Pavillion a1640n, most likely at my suggestion. A quick Google search shows the computer came out in 2006, which is an absolute eternity in tech years. For a bit of perspective: The system is rocking a Core 2 Duo processor, 2 GB memory, 250GB hard drive, a Lightscribe DVD burner, front panel memory card reader with USB and Firewire(?!?) ports, and a 'Pocket Media Drive', which was basically a removable USB drive. I know all of this not because I remember it like some kind of tech savant, but because HP made sure to plaster stickers all over the front panel to remind you what your wonderful silver box could do.

The computer came with Windows XP Media Center Edition 2005, which was more or less a 'skinned' version of Windows XP that was focused on being a media hub for your home entertainment (which few people, including my parents, ever did). If memory serves HP also issued vouchers to buyers for a free upgrade to Windows Vista, which was set to roll out a few months after the computer was purchased. That means this collection of hardware has soldiered on through 4 major OS versions (Vista, Win 7, Win 8, and Win 10). Just let that marinate for a minute...

I've performed my IT duties on this rig the past 12 years. I upgraded the system to Win 7 and then Win 10, skipping the undercooked OS that was Vista and the desktop disaster that was Windows 8 (though I still had to deal with that horrible OS when my mom purchased 3 Windows 8 tablets, because secretly she doesn't like me. Even on a tablet, that OS was a disaster). The hard drive was replaced at least twice. Two PSUs were installed. The optical drive inexplicably died and was replaced (as for the Lightscribe setup? They never once bought the correct CDs to take advantage of burning their own labels to the CD, instead handwriting things with a Sharpie like everyone else). The memory was upgraded to a whopping 4GB a few years ago (which was surprisingly challenging to find memory for this computer and cost more than expected). And every device driver, print driver, anti virus, malware and software install and update were dutifully ran by me, either via remote access (when it worked), phone conversation (which was always a painful ordeal) or house call (like the time somebody clicked a bad link and 15 windows of porn popped up and would not close). For the last 5 years I've told my parents there's not much more I can do to patch their computer up anymore and they would need to finally upgrade their system sooner rather than later. When the computer refused to boot up and started screaming out beep codes just before Christmas, I decided enough was enough. They were going to upgrade whether they wanted to or not.

My parents use their computer like most people do: they check e-mail, pay bills, look at websites about old people stuff, and store (but not edit) pictures and videos of their grandchildren. Pretty basic, low level stuff. As such, they could have walked into Best Buy, blindfolded themselves, spun around three times, pointed at any computer there, and bought it. Whatever they chose would have been generations better than what they currently had and more than they would need for the next 5-10 years based on their usage. But no. My mother decided she wanted one custom built. Why? Because she could. She only provided 3 build guidelines:

• The case has to have lights, preferably purple and orange (her favorite colors)
• It has to have 2 external drive bays, since her soon to be decommissioned computer had 2 drive bays (one of which, I pointed out, was empty and never used)
• It had to be under $2500

The last one would be the easiest to meet. I told her even going custom I could likely keep everything around $700 (though I underestimated that price a bit, it was still much less than her $2500 cap). The other 2 guidelines took ka bit more planning than I originally thought...